The Secret Steps to Win Your Ex-boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate

by Satyam Dash

After your heartbreaking breakup, you have tried every possible way to win your ex-boyfriend back and are still not successful? Then I am pretty sure the reason behind your failure is the desperateness that you show for your ex-boyfriend while trying to win him back. Calling him after getting drunk or sending him heartbroken letters is completely unflattering and actually can push your boyfriend away even further.

I understand your anguish when you still love him with all your heart even after your terrible breakup. The process of reducing the feeling of insecurity when you are trying to win him back is the most excruciating. Of course, some would be embarrassed about some of the things they have done in the process of proving why their boyfriend should come back to them.

Here are a few points that one should keep in mind while trying to win their ex- boyfriend back.

1. Do not disagree with how and why things ended.

Regardless of who broke up with whom, there must have been some valid reasons for your break up. And if he happens to bring up those reasons, then do not dispute them. Be brave to hear and acknowledge the truth. Do not wait for apologizing for whatever the mistakes you did. There’s nothing wrong in apologizing because it makes you a better person than who you were yesterday.

Wanting it to be always right is fine but you need to admit your mistakes when you are wrong. And when you can’t that is when your ego comes between you and your relationship.

2. Do not beg your ex-boyfriend to take you back.

You must have had good reasons for him to take you back. But for him, you are desperate to get back in the relationship and this just pushes your ex even further away. This kind of behaviour cements it for him why he is better off without you.   Admitting your mistakes is fine but do not beg him. Guys do not like needy and desperate women.  They like stronger and independent women. That is why you need to stay like one.

Men are usually attracted to women who are strong happy and independent. Just live your life and let your way of living give him the reason why he should get back with you.

3. Take accountability for your part in the breakup.

It is difficult to admit it but it is true that both of you are responsible for the breakup. Instead of blaming your ex-boyfriend completely for what he did and for what he did not do, try to look within and find how you contributed to the death of your relationship. For example, did you ask more questions about your ex’s whereabouts because you didn’t trust them completely?  If yes, then address your concerns and try to fix them instead of praying to resolve magically.

4. Let your ex-boyfriend come to you.

When you miss your ex-boyfriend, instead of you going to him make him come to you. Calling him during your weak moments will make you look even more vulnerable. So instead of calling him, call your buddy. Whatever space was created during your break up, use that to make him miss you. Let your ex-boyfriend wonder what you are up to with your professional and personal life. Once he starts missing you, he will get in touch with you from his side.

And when he reaches you out, instead of proposing to him by getting down on your knees, respond warmly until you exactly know what his intentions are. And without talking anything about the relationship if he proposes a booty call then avoid that too.

5. Put yourself above anything else.

Treating yourself properly is important. And that is why you need to put yourself above anything else and do what is right for you. When your ex-boyfriend comes back to you then don’t just start where you ended things. Before getting back in a relationship with your ex-boyfriend, you need to address and fix issues that led to your break up.

Do not allow him to convince you that the issue was yours.  Even, considering the worst case, the issue started with you, the way he reacted or didn’t react made things much worse. Do whatever it takes to fix these issues and if possible do not let him know. The reason why I am saying this is because he wouldn’t believe even if you said that until he witnesses that you indeed changed. Fix those issues and see how he reacts. If he reacts positively then you certainly are on the right path. If he doesn’t care then you certainly do not want him back.

6. Figure out what you exactly want.

Have a clear and positive vision how you want your relationship this time. Now act accordingly so that you can continue your journey. Do not expect anything to happen overnight. Things take time and stay open to the results. If you think you are just too desperate and cannot stand the thought of getting your ex back, then just relax and let things move at their own pace. Things will not happen just because you want them to. Have faith and believe in destiny.

Remember one thing, no matter how hard you try or what kind of ways you adapt to get back with your ex-boyfriend, if he is clear about not having you in his life anymore then just let him be like that. If he comes back to you then you will have a better and loving relationship but if he doesn’t, you are an independent and stronger version of yourself. So just don’t lose hope.

Also published on Medium.

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